August 19, 2019
Mommy Moves & Money Moves: How to Find Balance between “Mommying” and Career.
Everyone knows that moms are sheroes. It’s a job where you can’t just clock out at five and yet you’re working every hour under the sun. As a mom, you’re juggling a lot on your plate: being a wife, taking care of the house, taking care of the kids, taking care of yourself, and working a full-time job. You devote yourself to learning everything there is to know about “mommying”.
But for many new moms like myself, we have anxiety and this sense of expectancy to act as though nothing has changed at the office. After being away from work for ten months, I definitely felt like I had to prove to myself and to my colleagues that I had it all together and hadn’t missed a beat. But the reality of getting into the office extra early in the mornings to do some work to meet a deadline or being available in the late evenings to join fellow colleagues for Happy Hour is slim to non-existent.
Being a full-time working mother can lead to feelings of guilt and stress because of divided attention between work and family. I recently spoke with 5 working moms who work full-time, raise children, and maintain their homes, and here’s a synopsis of what they had to say about trying to balance career and home life:
1. “One thing I had to realize while raising two little humans and working full-time is that it is ok to let things fall through the cracks per se. It is perfectly ok if the kids have pizza for dinner because I didn’t have time to cook. It is perfectly ok to not have all of the clothes folded because we spent all Saturday playing outside. We as moms need to stop being so hard on ourselves and just let life happen.”
Nadia Rahaman, MBA , Director of Development at Fort Valley State University.
2. “Working full time and raising a family is extremely challenging. I often find myself trying to balance the two…trying to do my best at work, wanting to shine and climb the career ladder, while also trying to manage home, and more specifically my children. From sick babies at daycare, to routine medical appointments, and any issues at school that require me to miss work.
Then there are the day to day activities that require my attention after work like cooking, cleaning, homework, and extracurricular activities as well as wanting to spend quality time with my husband and children. All of it can be overwhelming and sometimes makes me feel that I’m not excelling at either. When I do feel like I’m excelling at one, I feel I’m “just getting by” or possibly even failing at the other”.
Cynthia M. Cain, MPA, Senior Administrative Manager at Georgia State University.
3. “Work-life balance is the Holy Grail for most working women. We put so much pressure on ourselves by trying to take care of everything both at work and at home that we often put ourselves on the back burner. Achieving the perfect work-life balance should not be our end goal because life is not perfect; we are not perfect people and that is okay! I am fortunate enough to be working with an incredible manager that helped me understand this concept. When I am at work, I focus all my efforts on doing a good job but once I am home I switch gears and do my best to be fully engaged with my kids and partner. However, the biggest challenge has been to make time for myself!
It took years but I realized that in order to succeed in my career and at home, I needed time to decompress, reset, and clear my mind. I am learning to make time to go to the gym a few times a week and to schedule time with my friends independent of work and family. This has been challenging especially when my travel schedule is hectic but when I make a point to do these things I notice that I am less stressed and in a better mood. Happy me = better mom, spouse, and professional”!
Brunie Burgos-White, Ph.D, Field Applications Scientist at Thermo Fisher Scientific.
4. “It can be difficult to find the right balance with being a mom and working in the corporate world. I often feel guilty that my quality time with my family is so limited during the week due to my busy work schedule so I try to make our interactions count whenever possible. For example with my daughters, I do my best to incorporate girl talks on the way to school and while I’m doing their hair. We have meaningful conversations, I learn what’s going on with them, and it gives us something to look forward to.
Cara Freeman, MS, Provider Collaboration Manager., Sr. at Anthem, Inc.
5. “Working a full time job and raising a child is not an act of balance but integration. The opportunities that we have as adults allow us to be trailblazers for our kids and expose them to the world. Integration allows some of these experiences to be free of cost, educational, impromptu, and also mitigates stereotypes in society of what a “mom” or “woman” looks like.
My son reminds me that I am “real” whether in my white coat or in sweatpants and a cap. I am not defined by one individual title, but have the versatility to wear many hats. I am an asset to many but I find joy in being blessed to have all that I need to care for and enjoy my son. Do I miss him while I’m at work? Heck yeah! Do I get tired? Heck yeah! Do I take breaks? Heck yeah! Do I love it all? Heeeeck yeah! I am a true believer that all things work together in life. Live your life! You only get one shot at it”.
Monique Merritt-Atkins, Family Medicine Physician, M.D.
Women are inspiring. Between having children and handling work, we still manage to hold high-profile positions across different industries, we start our own businesses, and we raise families. As a first time mom to my now one year old daughter, working a fulltime job, and building a business from the ground up, I’m often asked, how do I “do it all”? My answer is simple…. I don’t. I do what I can and simply what needs to be done at that moment.
Prior to having a child, I believed in the idea that modern day women could “have it all” and “do it all”. You know the new age woman who has the career, marriage, health, happiness, and a relationship with her children simultaneously. Doesn’t seem like much right?
From my very own personal experience, I am learning that there is no one right answer on how to balance career and motherhood. I have also realized that I can’t do everything so I make a list of what is most important to me and what is the least important. Sometimes when I hear the word supermom, it gives me a little bit of anxiety because the term puts so much pressure on us women and creates a sense of overwhelm. But I remind myself daily that what doesn’t get done today, it’s perfectly ok. There’s always tomorrow. I no longer beat myself up about not getting the dishes washed after a long’s day work and coming home to cook a full course meal or if the clothes aren’t folded and put up right away once I’ve taken them out of the dryer.
With that disclosure, I share below 5 ways moms can balance work and life. Some of these tips I knew in advance thanks to some other awesome mothers out there (i.e. my sisters, my best girlfriends, and colleagues) for sharing wonderful advice. Now these are my go to ways that works for me. The key is to do what’s best for you and your family and focus on a plan, get organized, and find the right balance between profession and parenthood. How you do it depends on several distinctive factors: your home life, what you want, and the type of job you have.
1. Quit comparing yourself to other moms.
You know you do it. I’m even guilty of doing it from time to time. We compare ourselves to other moms all the time. In fact, it is human nature to compare ourselves to other people period. I don’t know why….we just do.
As moms, there are so many things we have to make decisions about. And we make them based on advice we’ve received, research we’ve done, and based on what we have actually seen that we did or didn’t like. Sometimes we are unsure of how it’s going to turn out.
So we look around us to see other parents in parallel life stages and we think that if they have measurable results, it will give us some perspective and provision for why we choose to do the things that we do. Instead of measuring yourself against other moms, compare the woman you are today to the woman you used to be. Surely you’ve made some huge accomplishments, both then and now. Give yourself credit for all the things you’re great at.
2. Mommy Guilt? Let it go.
The majority of mother’s I know (especially first time moms) have tremendous guilt, “Mommy Guilt” that is. Mom guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty experienced by mothers when they worry they’re falling short of expectations in some way.
We work so hard to be good parents and we come down so hard on ourselves when we fall short of the expectations we set. We feel guilty for working, for dropping the kids off, for yelling, for not doing enough, or for pushing too hard.
Every time you start to feel guilty about something, take a pause and then name 5 things in your head or on paper that you are good at as a mom. Focusing on these 5 things will help you see the good things that you do and will help you shift your perspective and enjoy motherhood a whole lot more.
3. Time Management
For some, time management can be a challenging ability to master. In fact, many working mothers agree that there simply isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done. Even the most organized working mom can become stressed out when short on time. I have learned some of the best time management secrets and they are to create an efficient morning routine, leave parental responsibilities at home when you’re at work, and when you walk in the door after work, put on your “mommy hat” and “wife hat” and leave your job responsibilities at the office.
- If you want to start your day without being frazzled, try getting organized the night before. I wrote about this in one of my previous blogs “My Super-Efficient Morning Routine” and preparing the night before. If you can pack lunches, laptop bags, lay out clothes, car keys, etc. the night before, it will save you so much time in the morning and can get you out of the house on time.
- When at your workplace, try to avoid wasting time as much as possible. That includes spontaneous Internet surfing, office gossiping, and long lunch breaks. These are deviations that will make you less productive. I know. I know. It’s hard sometimes to not get caught up in the moment but you have to focus on your tasks at work so that you can check off that to-do list.
- Similarly, when you walk in the door from work, put on that mommy/wife hat and give your undivided attention to your family. If your job requires you to take home work, complete these tasks AFTER the children are in bed. If you have the capability to work from home, make sure there is an end to your day, which means closing your home office door and leave work. It’s all about being present, engaged, and attentive in whatever role you are currently in.
4. Spend Time with Your Partner and Children
,After a long’s day at work, picking up the kids from school, you may have to go to the grocery store and run errands, then when you get home there’s the cooking, the clean-up, the preparation for the next day, the never ending attempt to make your home look somewhat spotless (if you have a toddler you will completely understand). So where in all of this do you get to spend time with your partner? Often times, if you’re busy with work and home, your partner is the first to get neglected. You have to remember to nurture your relationship with your partner, who’s often the number one person by your side.
If you can, start by having monthly date nights to get closer, feel rejuvenated, and enjoy each other’s company. Make time for conversations before bed whether it’s about what happened that day or if you’re making plans. The key thing is to communicate with one another. I promise, just by making the effort to talk to your partner on a daily basis, you will feel more connected with each other and less frustrated with your day-to-day routines. You will be able to keep up with what’s happening and both be on the same page when it comes to your family and each other. Fostering your relationship with your partner will bring back some excitement to the marriage or partnership and help you to “check in” with each other.
There is such a stereotype that working women don’t prioritize their children or relationships above their working commitments. Between work and life responsibilities, the days pass us by in the blink of an eye. That’s when mommy guilt comes in to play. Many career moms feel worried that they don’t spend enough time with their child(ren). Take Career Mom Cara Freeman, for example…..she says being a working mom of two girls with distinctly different personalities is very tricky and she’s learned to not try to parent them both the same but to learn their personalities and parent according to their needs. “One child may need more affection whereas the other may just need more patience to figure things out for herself”, she says.
As working moms, you have to put the needs of your partner and children first, then make time to build your dreams.
5. Self Care
The concept of self care is one that we hear about more and more these days. Finding “Me Time” is a necessity and can very well fit into your schedule if you manage your time wisely. A refreshing break will help you revitalize while taking care of personal needs. Because your time is divided between your home and career, be sure to manage your energy well.
You can’t be an effective spouse or parent if you’re always tired and cranky, so take some time to care for yourself to feel relaxed and effective. Run yourself a nice bubble bath at least once a week, do some recreational reading before bed, or treat yourself to a mani/pedi or spa day. Try to squeeze in time for some physical activity or concentrate on a hobby that interest you. The idea is to make time for yourself. Remember to eat well and get plenty of rest. These are simple things that even the smartest moms neglect.
Knowing when to say NO is a self-care tip that I’m personally learning and most moms tend to have a hard time with. Between your personal life and work, it feels like you’re always saying yes when people ask you for something. If you feel like you’re spread to thin, grant yourself the ultimate luxury by saying NO.
I hope that you’ve gained some insight on how to make mommy moves and money moves. Again, it’s about integration and what your ultimate goal is and what you’re trying to achieve at home and at the office. But don’t be too hard on yourself mom. You’ve got this! Pat yourself on the back!
P.S. This blog post is dedicated to my sweet little Maisyn who is my reason behind this new endeavor.
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